In the game of chess, with its many parallels to real life, the most formidable player on the board is the Queen.  As the great chess master, James Mason, once said, “Every pawn is a potential queen.”  So why is it that some women remain “pawns”, or maidens, or unwillingly single their whole lives; while other women are able to cross the threshold into matrimony?  While it is true that all women have the potential of rising above pawnhood, only a real and authentic Queen knows how to receive her crown.

Even in the age of feminism, the dawning of the acceptance of an LGBT community, and the reality of higher education creating new spheres of equality; there is still something to be said of the married woman.  As the late Queen Victoria so eloquently put it, “Being married gives one position like nothing else can.”

So, you’ve found a suitable partner, whom you love; who is honest, hardworking and trustworthy; and who you want to raise a family, build a future and spend the rest of your life with.  Using the strategy of chess masters, let’s explore how you can checkmate your King into a lifetime commitment. “In Chess, as it is played by masters, chance is practically eliminated.” ~ Emanuel Lasker, chess master.

After the board is set up, a single chess match is made up of three distinct events: the beginning game, the middle game and the end game. Like a chess match, a Queen must master all three levels to obtain her crown.

SETTING UP THE BOARD:  “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping-stone to greatness.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

1. Love yourself.  Be confident and self-assured.  Know that you are deserving of the very best.  Respect yourself and never tolerate any form of disrespect, no matter how slight.
2. Be yourself.  “The hallmark of the artist is simplicity.” ~ Larry Evans, chess master.  Pretending to be something you’re not is hard work.  Let him see the real you from the beginning, in the natural state you were created.
3. Always be honest.  Lies and deception will ruin your chances at matrimonial bliss.  “If cunning alone were needed to excel, women would be the best chess players.” ~Adolf Albin, chess master.
4. Be a lady.  Queens are neat, clean, well-groomed and classy…sexy, but not sleazy.  Remember your manners, etiquette and discretion.

OPENING GAME: “Capture of the King is the ultimate but not the first object of the game.” ~ Wilhelm Steinitz, chess master. The game begins like any other courtship. It is a delicate dance where the parties discover exactly who is across the helm.  ”You must be able to handle a variety of move orders during  the first 5-6 moves, otherwise you’ll find yourself ‘tricked’ time & time  again.” ~ Edmar Mednis, chess master.

1. Communicate!  Let him know what you think, how you feel, what you like and dislike.  Be up front about what you expect, desire and need from the relationship.  Lay your game down flat.
2. Maintain your separate space.  A future spouse does not play house.  As the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
3. Have fun.  Be unforgettable and a joy to be around.  Create memories that he will think about with fondness.
4. Those old relationships?  Dead ‘em.  Get rid of them.  Leave them in the past where they belong.  Focus on your King.
5. Laugh! You’re in Love!

MIDDLE  GAME:  ”Strategy requires thought, tactics require observation.” ~ Max Euwe, chess master. (So pay close attention to everything he says and does)  ”When you see a good move, look for a better one.” ~ Emanuel Lasker, chess master.  “One bad move nullifies forty good ones.” ~ I A Horowitz (So be alert and stay on your p’s & q’s).

1. Keep it fresh. Find new places to go, new sights to see, new things to do…make memories.
2. Do the little things.
3. Know your role.  Be the Moon that reflects his sunlight.  Allow him to be a man. Allow yourself to relax and be a woman.
4. Celebrate his masculinity and your femininity.  Let him change your oil while you clean his commode.
5. It takes two to tango. If you want romance, be romantic.  If you want to be complimented, give compliments.
6. Everybody has a hole.  Find his hole, and fill it.  Be the only woman he needs.

Play on both sides of the board is my favorite strategy. ~  Alexander Alekhine, chess master.  Attack! Always attack! ~ Adolf Anderssen, chess master.

AVOIDING A STALEMATE:  “I will not be triumphed over.” ~ Queen Cleopatra

1. Don’t be negative and a constant complainer.  Offer ideas and create solutions.
2. Don’t stop looking the way you did or doing the things you did that attracted him in the first place.
3. Don’t be too clingy and needy, or appear desperate.
4. Don’t be an emotional rollercoaster.  Confidence and stability are soooo attractive in a woman!
5. Don’t down his family or friends.  No man is an island; these are his people, get used to them.
6. Be appreciative and grateful for his effort.
7. Don’t ever be tolerant of any form of disrespect.  Remember you are a Queen!

ENDGAME: ”Patience is the most valuable trait of the endgame player.” ~ Pal Benko, chess master.  “Haste is never more dangerous than when you feel that  victory is in your grasp.” ~ Eugene Znosko-Borovsky

1. Become indispensable.  Sure it’s 2011, but a little domestication goes a long way. Cook, clean, do some laundry, help him get organized.
2. Treat him like the King he is.  Serve his plate, listen when talks, laugh at his jokes, give him a pedicure, a massage… Surprise him with little niceties: breakfast in bed, tickets to the game, girl take his mama to lunch!
3. Talk commitment, plan your future, set goals together. (Remember: you can’t move in until you’re married!)
4. Don’t settle!  Be VERY clear about what you want, need and expect for the remainder of your life.
5. Make him think it’s his idea.  You’re charmed, flattered, surprised and elated!
6. Glow in his presence!  Let him and the whole world know he’s your King!
7. Set a date and don’t slip, waiver or become unglued.  Keep your poise until you both say “I Do!”

CHECKMATE!